It’s not like I’ve never tugged on those stringy bits to get some sound out of them, it’s just that said sound isn’t anything I’d call music. I’ve never got beyond that stage where each pluck of the same string produces entirely different sounds, like Itchy’s magic xylophone. At this point I’d barely even be good enough to open for Radiohead, and I say that with the honest opinion that those guys would play the sound of an alley cat fighting a mongoose as a “support act” (I’m looking at you, Asian Dub Foundation).

I’m not sure where I’m going with this (had you guessed?) but it will at least give me something to refer back to if I ever manage to produce a melody that doesn’t make children cry and scare the neighbours. Then I can point back to here and say, “Look how far I’ve come! All the way from insufferable to… sufferable!” And I will be proud.