I’m in London for what I was shocked to figure out will actually be my longest ever visit to the UK. I’m staying here for a full seven days—practically an aeon when surrounded by funny-coloured buses and pastie shops. England for me occupies a dedicated spot in the uncanny valley, similar—but not similar enough—to home.
For example, at home I expect toothpaste to come in a tube that’s more than three centimeters long.