It’s 2:43 and I’m up removing craneflies from my bedroom. I don’t mean to belittle the hardships of others but these things are the worst enemies humankind will ever meet. The spindly-legged Satan-spawn were designed by a conglomerate of evil geniuses with the sole purpose of being as big a nuisance to humanity as you can imagine. It wasn’t a serpent that told Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, it was a daddy-long-legs. They act stupid while you’re awake, flying not only into windows – which I can accept; those things can’t be easy for an insect to see – but into walls too. But they’re not stupid. They wait until you fall asleep and then they finish their one true mission in this world, they cause you to wake up with a bad taste in your mouth and no cranefly in sight.
This particular fiend stole a magazine from me aswell. I clobbered it a few times with a Linux Format I had lying beside my bed (stop sniggering) until it couldn’t fly (hah! that’s what it wanted me to think). Then I ‘encouraged’ it onto the mag and slung it towards the wide-open window (it could find the open slit to get in but mysteriously dodged the gaping window I opened to get it out – like that Dutch navigator who missed Australia on his way from New Guinea to New Zealand). In my attempt to prevent it from flying back in I ended up dropping the magazine onto the roof below and the damn creature managed to climb back from the brink. They are resourceful little gits. But I had the last laugh, I made sure to kill it the second time round. Then I bitched about it on the Internet. And what sweeter revenge is there than that?