I’m currently sporting a rather fetching accessory in the form of a stylish forehead lump. I acquired it as the runner-up prize in an embarrassingly brief tiff with what turned out to be a strategically more adept opponent.

Let me set the scene. I was innocently strolling the back straight of an until-then refreshing late night walk in the city. It was dark and mostly empty of people, but it’s a nice enough area and I feel I cut an intimidating enough figure to discourage most potential aggressors. In my arrogance I flouted the darkness.

Seeking to score my walk with the appropriate soundtrack I took out my iPod and flicked through the available music. In retrospect I think this may have been what provoked the attack. I spotted a sudden movement in the shadows and then WHAM!

I was set upon by an ornery lamppost.

It hit me only once, landing a precision shot just above my left eye. Thankfully it didn’t follow when I fled the scene. Perhaps it was just defending its territory, I don’t know.

In any case I’ll have to go to the Garda station tomorrow to file a report about the items I lost in the mugging. Luckily I recovered the iPod but my dignity was damaged at the scene.