Populate Heading with Puns

I had intended to come up with a number of possible expansions of PHP and to include them in a big list here, possibly with some or all of them conveying the messages of ‘I now have PHP processing at my disposal’, ‘my blog will be based on said PHP soon’, and ‘I’m happy about this state of affairs’.

Would it be too much to ask you to pretend I managed to find these expansions, and that we all had a good laugh? Yes, I supose it would. Well then prizes for any that you can come up with.