New Year’s Resolutions

As we approach the first anniversary of SoylentRed, I feel it’s appropriate to revisit its only real predesessor. I tried once to keep a diary, but the value of a diary is never immediately apparent. It only arises afterwards, when you read what you wrote years ago and far away.

I considered paraphrasing ("Nothing’s happening. Nothing’s happening. Something about a girl. It’s over. A lot of people look apathetic.") but I’m sufficiently removed from the Rory Parle of five years ago that I’m not really bothered just quoting. And making snide remarks of course. Everyone wants them.

The year is 1998. The date is January 3rd.

This is my first ever diary so I don’t know what to write. I turn to ‘The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole’ for inspiration.

This is the familiar ‘I want to write, I’ve got the means to write, what do I write?’ feeling which can be seen recurring in the first few months of this blog. People don’t change.

These are my new year resolutions:

  • I will keep my room tidy.

Clutter I have amassed since writing this includes a computer with no operating system, two stacks of Empire magazine, a pile of books that literally touched the ceiling before I split it into two piles (both now nearing the ceiling), four years of pay slips and bank statements and about as much clutter again of miscellany.

  • I will not bite my nails.

I don’t know off hand which poor internet users might be interested in this fact, but this resolution still eludes me. I’m much better now though. It used to hurt.

  • I will do well in my Junior Cert.

This one could take a whole entry on its own, but here’s a summary: nine honours – five As, one B, three Cs – in higher level papers. It was the second best in the class and in the year. It should have earned me a plaque, but the morons deciding who the plaque went to seemingly omitted Art or failed to distinguish higher from ordinary level, so the plaque went to Stephen. He will admit this to me but to no-one else.

Rules of my diary:

  • Its contents are utterly secret.


  • Knowledge of its existence will be minimal.

Well there aren’t that many people online.

  • Entries will be made every night when possible

This one lasted three days. This being the 120th entry, I’ve posted on average once every three days on SoylentRed.

The rest of the entry describes my first trip out of the house for several days, the fact that I had not played GTA at all that day – which seemed like quite an achievement, and the book I bought on writing science fiction. The desire to write showed itself again.

In the interests of full disclosure, I have to admit that the list of Christmas presents I recieved in 1997 includes Spiceworld by the Spice Girls, Men in Black by Will Smith and Barbie Girl by Aqua. Annoyingly, I only thought to note the name of one of the books I got – Jingo by Terry Pratchett (some redemption at last). Interestingly my godfather gave me almost the exact same present as this year.